In Between

I just read a fantastic article about recognizing when it’s just not time. When it’s just not time to push yourself harder. When it’s just not time to break through the funk you are in to achieve your dreams. That maybe it’s just time to deal with what is going on right now.
I’m stuck in an in between. I wrote a poem years ago about being in between love. It was another time that I fell completely in between two stages that are so incredibly enriching and fulfilling. But the in between was dark, bumpy and plain confusing. I was still in love but moving on from my first love, while knowing the person I was to love for the rest of my life was probably years down the road. I thought there was something wrong with me, that for some reason I was the only person who dealt with these “in between” times in my life. But I think people just like to edit this part out of their lives when they think back. They make success look easy and don’t speak of the times they just weren’t getting where they wanted. They just hit walls. Other parts of their lives were beautiful, but the part they wanted to work plainly didn’t.
I’m engaged and about to get married. My in between in the love department turned into an all in about two years ago. I forget that time, much like I forgot that poem until writing this post. But as my love life came together, my career life has skidded off track, stopped, restarted, made some weird turns, and now seems to rest uneasily in a spot I don’t want to stay. With my fiancé sure to be moving me around for the next three years it doesn’t look like it will settle down anytime soon. Which I’ve been worried but also excited about. I love trying out new avenues, building new skills, bonding with new people. While my heart hopes to start my own business, the rest of me knows I just can’t quite commit right now. I’m in between passions. In between cities. In between mindsets. I push myself to just get this business started, but inside I rebel and tell myself it will happen. But it’s going to happen at the right time. In the right place. With the right community surrounding me.
I hate when it’s just not time.
It’s not time to meet my business soulmate.
It’s not time to start marketing and networking and branding.
Right now I get to focus on a wedding, on becoming a wife, on a job that needs my attention until I leave. Right now I need to focus on learning what I can, collecting info that will help me start a business later, on being a good listener to those who have business advice. It’s time to be close to family and friends and I will be leaving soon for the next year and quite possibly be miles and miles away from.
It’s time for a lot of things. A lot of amazing, wondering, in the moment things.
I’m “in” a very important stage of my life.
But I’m in between when it comes to my career life.
I can breathe easier and focus on the moments I am in knowing this, and let time deal with my in betweens.